I Went for My Crazy

I went for my crazy & it saved my life.

I had been sick for three years undiagnosed and seen everybody under the sun: the western doctors and the eastern doctors. And I still did not have any answers as to why I was so randomly very sick and ,at other times, healthy and fine. I was told I had “food allergies,” a “weak gut,” and a “sensitive personality” and should consider therapy and depression medication. I couldn't digest food, was losing mega weight, had terrible brain fog, neurotoxicity, felt out my body for years, crazy sinus allergies, and no energy to maintain friendship (like one of my favorite parts of life!).

After 2 years, I was sick and tired of putting my energy into searching for why I was sick and tired. I was so drained. So I said, hey, I'm going to try and return back to “normal” life as best as possible. Man, I was 23 years old at this point-- young and not “supposed” to be sick, ya know? And I naturally have a very free spirit so this sickness was hyper crippling. I wanted to get back to doing my thing and being me. I tried to move on and accept maybe I would never feel better and make the best of this life. I got a sweet job that I was super thankful for and had the most optimistic look on life possible—that still wasn’t enough though. There was some variable I nor any smart ass doctor could put their finger on as to why I would be super healthy sometimes and super bed ridden ill other times. Some doctors thought food allergies or parasites or celiac disease. Some people thought I was nuts. I can understand that. I could feel myself tanking again.

At the same time as I was dropping like a fly, I had reoccurring dreams of healing green lush. Multiple times. I think I tried to shrug it off in the beginning. I don’t ever remember my dreams (probably due to what I ended up having affecting my brain). Not only was i remembering, but I was remembering the same fricking reoccurring dream of this like ethereal emerald green vapor energy. For the past six months, I had been staring at picture I put up on my bathroom mirror of this humble waterfall in the most magial mossy green Nature nook. Something in it kept me Lit inside full of hope and inspiration that I was going to be okay. That God, or at the time what I called a Higher Power, was indeed taking care of me. After all these dreams of the greenest most mossiest lush, I decided it made sense to look up where this waterfall lived. It wasn’t easy to find, but eventually I discovered this heavenly spot was on one of the most beautiful hikes in the world: the Milford Sound trek in New Zealand.

This is where I will stop the story. I'll cut to the chase and answer the million dollar question. I ended up being diagnosed and treated by a functional MD for black mold poisoning, which kills you untreated and, ya, I almost went.

Deciding to do “the crazy” my heart was telling me of following a super vague misty green dream, quitting my job, and going on this hike alone in New Zealand to meet this healing spot because somehow this is where I was going to begin healing from the illness or disease no one could figure out. Super nuts. God was really trying to help me here. At the end of the day though, I had to make a choice. My mind thought the logic sounded insane. But jesus, thank God, I listened and went. I didn’t tell anyone at the time about the dream or the intuition I was having how making this decision would lead me back to Wellness and a diagnosis. I keep it on the DL between me, myself, and I. I said I was going on a solo adventure to hike. People that knew me thought this sounded just like something I would to. I tend to live for adventures of all kinds, the small and the big. From trying a new fruit to deciding to fly to the other side of the world with mostly zero plan, but to catch a hike on a certain date.

I am sharing this decision with you because it saved my life and changed the course of my Path. I want to encourage you to listen to what might sound crazy to your mind. Usually that is a signpost of confirmation that in fact it is quite creative spiritual genius trying to flap its wings for your attention. Consciousness does not live in the mind. It lives in the Moment of Spirit.

Peace be With You.

Cheers to Your Adventure.